Bell and Collar Co

Tag: customers

  • Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    At Bell and Collar Co, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat

    A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a warehouse mostly made of boxes.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a warehouse mostly made of boxes.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.